Major takeaways from my journey of self discovery…so far

There’s something about the number 30. The big 3-0, dirty thirty or the start of “middle age” in our warped society (even though I would argue it’s not). Put on your sweatpants and brush that hair into a messy bun because your life is officially over. End scene, close the curtains and exit stage left. You’re no longer in your twenties, vibrant and full of life. You are somehow simultaneously old and washed up as well as still young but just not young enough to be cool, accomplish the things you’ve always thought you would or still can. Dramatic right? Well that’s usually the thoughts we’re left with when approaching the age that many associate with the initiation of the decline in life, especially if you haven’t been able to cross any of your major accomplishments off your life bucket list. No amazing passionately fulfilling job? No house, marriage, kids and perfect life? You’re in good company. In this brutal journey of self discovery, I’ve learned (and am still learning) about what to keep, let go of and still keep aspiring for in hopes that others can relate to my journey and incorporate some aspects in their own journeys.

Time lines are an illusion and the source of your unhappiness

We’ve heard the idiom “Comparison is the thief of joy”. Much like how every aspect of our lives have been broken down into small consumable monetized bits, it’s almost impossible to not compare every aspect of your life with another. Social media is a big factor in this. No matter which app you peruse, the idealic lives of strangers leave us feeling like our own is inadequate, lacking and mundane. I mean, how come you’re not on a Carribean vacation in the middle of winter, touring the world in your RV with ol’ Rover by your side or buying and renovating your new home. Then there’s the socioeconomic aspects of it. Have you save 3X your income for retirement by a certain age, and do you invest regularly and pick all the right stocks? It’s important to let these timelines go because the pace of your life will always be different from another and comparing your timelines will only lead to self loathing, self doubt and misery. So what do you let go of? Timelines and comparisons, instead allow yourself the freedom to explore your interests and really take notice of where you are and where you want to go.

Self-help doesn’t help

Although I understand the collective drive to be our own bosses and escape the rat race, I have to say that not everything someone has to say has intrinsic value to you or your life. The internet has made everyone a guru or expert on any topic you can think of simply because they can put together a PDF file on any topic and sell it as a course. The how-to guides and the become this in only that amount of time, is a trap that spirals into exhaustion and self loathing when you find that you either have no motivation to keep up or passion to start anything even though you read the book and bought the things. If you’re struggling, no amount of just do it or show up for yourself is going to accomplish anything. It’s the equivalent of telling a depressed person to “just be happy”. You have to show up for yourself and be in the mental space to want to change and be better. It’s not something you can be talked into by external factors.

Utilize the experts and by that I mean seek help, professionally, if you truly need it. This is a concept that I, myself struggle with since I feel I know me best and can handle anything with a little bit of spit and grit. In my journey to help myself however, I’ve come across some truly great reads that not only challenged my ways to doing and thinking but encouraged me to re-assess and incorporate better ways into my lifestyle. The first was The Mountain is You and the second was 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think both by Brianna Wiest. These two books that I’ve read so far (you can also listen to them on spotify) effectively called me out on my bulls****. Give them a read when you get a chance because the ideas explored will really challenge how you think and why as well as improvements that could really be beneficials to your life. After questioning your mentality and thought patterns, seek real help that will add value you can upkeep to your life and not just a fleeting hobby that will collect cobwebs in a few weeks.

Your inner child becomes the future you

Who were you when the world wasn’t on your shoulders? We’re you happy? Do you even remember? Should I hold while you call your therapist?

What did you like to do when you were a wide eyed child and everything seemed new and exciting? I bet that person, is who you’re dying to become again. Adulting, as it’s coloquially put is just a bummer. Bills after bills, and never enough time or money to do anything- seemingly. The interests you had, the hopes you wanted to fulfill and the memories you wanted to make. When you become that person who saw the potential in everything and the endless possibilities in every endeavor. When you give yourself the love you didn’t have, the opportunities that passed you by and plunge head first into your interests and passions while giving yourself permission to feel joy and safe within yourself. Incorporating and melding your inner child and your adult self could be the key to becoming the future you that you have always dreamed of being.

I came across a beautiful quote from @healingviawords which read:

Honor your inner child, that little girl or boy living inside of your heart. The child who was hurt, abandoned and who felt like they were never good enough. Let them feel safe, let them know they are loved. Make them feel them feel so special. Keep them clean and warm and nourish them with nutritious yummy food. Let them feel free. Give yourself all of the love in the world that you wish you received as a child.

@healingviawords

It gets better, but only if you decide it does

Comfort is a good thing. It beats the alternative of being in pain. Comfort may be a cozy day in bed during a thunderstorm, watching movies or reading a thrilling book. Lighting a candle and cooking with a glass of wine on hand or simply refreshing your space with a good spring cleaning. Comfort could be a game night with friends or visiting family you haven’t seen in a long time. Comfort could also be doing the things you are most familiar with even though they do not serve you. Your comfort zone is the place where you’re most comfortable because it’s filled with the things you’re familiar with and already good at. It does not provide you with challenges or opportunities to grow. It is a static place but what you should seek is dynamic. Not chaos but a place that is dynamically challenging and aligned with who you want to be and where you want to go. Marinating in what should have been and the things that went awry or you lost are not condusive to where you want to be so graciously accept the lessons, learn from them and move on to better things.

Do the things that make you happy

Turning to your inner child could remind you of your interests and passions. The things you used to do that brought excitement to your eyes and lit your fire in your belly. Keep that childlike curiousity and joy and let go of the expectations from others or situations. Be true to yourself and let go of the things that do not align and fullfill you. Go out and do the things that make you happy.

Get an audiobook of Brianna’s Wiest’s Books: